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Once in a while, you need a pick-me-up. Heres the perfect list to of little moments that pull on our heartstrings. Sometimes we don’t know what we have til we’ve lost them.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake.. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach.
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you’re beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Feeling as though you finally belong somewhere.
41. Watching the ___ expression on someone’s face as they open a much desired present from you.
42. Buying amazing clothes that you found on sale.
43. Watching the sunrise.
44. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
45. Unexpected moments that become your favourite memory.
46. Knowing that somebody misses you.
47. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
48. Knowing you’ve done the right thing.
49. Deciding what you want to do with your life.
50. Meeting people that happen to change your life.

These are the ten basic rules set by Apfeldorfer in order to give strenght to your relationship:

1. stop believing in True Love and Prince Charming
2. if you give a lot, learn to ask a lot too
3. convince yourself that you’re important and that you deserve a satisfying relationship
4. keep your independence and don’t think that losing it is needed by a love relationship
5. always remember that your partner loves you for what you do, not for what you are
6. learn to talk about everything, don’t keep secrets just for yourself
7. don’t try to do everything together, every time
8. take care of your appearance, even at home
9. listen your partner very well, before judging
10. perfect and everlasting happyness does not exist: love must be built and protected day by day, even when you’re tired

Never allow your partner or yourself to denigrate the other.

You must have personal respect and consideration for yourself.

Everyone deserves respect and love, but you can’t expect to get it unless you give it.

If you allow your partner to disparage you, expect to hear other damaging words.

Whatever you are willing to accept is exactly what you’re going to get.

Be compassionate, understanding, forgiving and merciful.

Patience, kindness, consideration and thoughtfulness can never be in short demand.

Never let a person use names or words to hurt or degrade you or your partner.

Vow to protect yourself from thoughtless, rude, mean or punishing behavior.

If destructive words are being used, for whatever the reason, it must Stop. If not, a relationship can’t survive.

Once you’ve reacted you can then be proactive.

A controlled mouth shows a controlled mind.

Use words for empowerment, encouragement and positive recognition.

Ask for respect. Quietly demand it.

If your lover, partner, parent or friend can’t exhibit self control over their mouth, seriously consider looking elsewhere for a relationship.

Pick an appropriate the time to discuss important issues.

This is particularly true if there is an emotional charge where feelings of anger or vexation need to be vented.

Never enter into discussion of personal, private or intimate issues in public.

Wait until you have privacy and the time to tackle issues.

If a person makes a mistake, or does something that disappoints or angers you, belittlement or badmouthing them in front of others will only lead to further resentment, anger and frustration.

Trying to discuss things in bed just before sleep, or while getting ready for bed is simply thoughtless, inconsiderate and a remedy for disaster.

Trying to discuss anything when the other person won’t cooperate or take the time to talk is a waste of time. If necessary make a date to talk.

If the person keeps on delaying or avoiding conversation or discussion on issues that are important or significant to you, you may need to put it in writing and place it in their hands.

Talking is good for closure of some issues. And, unless allowed, will create a wound that won’t close.

You can never truly waste your thoughts and words on the separated or departed. Life and thought continues.

Romance doesn’t just exist, you must make it happen. You must make a sincere effort to keep it alive to help your relationship flourish.

Little things count, it doesn’t have to be a dozen roses and champagne all the time.

A favorite piece of candy in a pocket or a little note can mean a lot.

Commit yourself to do something romantic every day.

Show it. Demonstrate it. It’s the accumulative total of all the little things that in end adds up to a super special love and romance.

Jenny was so happy about the house they had found. For once in her life that was on the right side of town. She unpacked her things with such great ease. As she watched her new curtains blow in the breeze. How wonderful it was to have her own room. School would be starting, she would have friends over soon. There will be sleep-overs, and parties. She was so happy. It’s just the way she wanted her life to be.

On the first day of school, everything went great. She made new friends and even got a date! She thought, “I want to be popular and I’m going to be, because I just got a date with the star of the team!” To be known in this school you had to have a clout, and dating this guy would sure help her out. There was only one problem stopping her fate. Her parents had said she was too young to date. “Well I just won’t tell them the entire truth. They won’t know the difference. What’s there to lose?”

Jenny asked to stay with her friends that night. Her parents frowned but said, “All right.” Excited, she got ready for the big event. But as she rushed around like she had no sense, she began to feel guilty about all the lies, but what’s a pizza, a party, and a moonlight ride? Well the pizza was good, and the party was great, and the moonlight ride would have to wait, for Jeff was half drunk by this time.

But he kissed her and said that he was just fine. Then the room filled with smoked and Jeff took a puff. Jenny couldn’t believe he was smoking that stuff. Now Jeff was ready to ride to the point, but only after he’d smoked another joint.

They jumped in the car for the moonlight ride, not thinking that he was too drunk to drive. They finally made it to the point at last, and Jeff started trying to make a pass. A pass is not what Jenny wanted at all (and by a pass, I don’t mean playing football.) “Perhaps my parents were right. Maybe I am too young. Boy, how could I ever, ever be so dumb?” With all of her might, she pushed Jeff away, “Please take me home, I don’t want to stay.”

Jeff cranked up the engine and floored the gas. In a matter of seconds they were going too fast. As Jeff drove on in a fit of wild anger, Jenny knew that her life was in danger. She begged and pleaded for him to slow down, but he just got faster as they neared the town. “Just let me get home! I’ll confess that I lied. I really went out for a moonlight ride.”

Then all of a sudden, she saw a big flash. “Oh God, Please help us! We’re going to crash!” She doesn’t remember the force of impact. Just that everything all of a sudden went black. She felt someone remove her from the twisted rubble, and heard, “Call an ambulance! These kids are in trouble!” Voices she heard, a few words at best. But she knew there were two cars involved in the wreck.

Then wondered to herself if Jeff was all right, and if the people in the other car was alive. She awoke in the hospital to faces so sad. “You’ve been in a wreck and it looks pretty bad.” These voices echoed inside her head, as they gently told her that Jeff was dead. They said “Jenny, we’ve done all we can do. But it looks as if we’ll lose you too.” “But the people in the other car?” Jenny cried. “We’re sorry, Jenny, they also died.”

Jenny prayed, “God, forgive me for what I’ve done. I only wanted to have just one night of fun.” “Tell those people’s family, I’ve made their lives dim, and wish I could return their families to them.” “Tell Mom and Dad I’m sorry I lied, and that it’s my fault so many have died. Oh, nurse, won’t you please tell them that for me?”

The nurse just stood there. She never agreed. But took Jenny’s hand with tears in her eyes. And a few moments later Jenny died. A man asked the nurse, “Why didn’t you do your best to bid that girl her one last request?” She looked at the man with eyes so sad. “Because the people in the other car were her mom and dad.”

There was this guy who believed very much in true love and decided to take his time to wait for his right girl to appear. He believed that there would definitely be someone special out there for him, but none came.

Every year at Christmas, his ex-girlfriend would return from Vancouver to look him up. He was aware that she still held some hope of re-kindling the past romance with him. He did not wish to mislead her in any way. So he would always get one of his girl friends to pose as his steady whenever she came back. That went on for several years and each year, the guy would get a different girl to pose as his romantic interest. So whenever the ex-girlfriend came to visit him, she would be led into believing that it was all over between her and the guy. The girl took all those rather well, often trying to casually tease him about his different girlfriends, or so, as it seemed! In fact, the girl often wept in secret whenever she saw him with another girl, but she was too proud to admit it. Still, every Christmas, she returned, hoping to re-kindle some form of romance. But each time, she returned to Vancouver feeling disappointed.

Finally she decided that she could not play that game any longer. Therefore, she confronted him and professed that after all those years, he was still the only man that she had ever loved. Although the guy knew of her feelings for him, he was still taken back and have never expected her to react that way. He always thought that she would slowly forget about him over time and come to terms that it was all over between them. Although he was touched by her undying love for him and wanted so much to accept her again, he remembered why he rejected her in the first place-she was not the one he wanted. So he hardened his heart and turned her down cruelly. Since then, three years have passed and the girl never return anymore. They never even wrote to each other. The guy went on with his life….. still searching for the one but somehow deep inside him, he missed the girl.

On the Christmas of 1995, he went to his friend’s party alone. “Hey, how come all alone this year? Where are all your girlfriends? What happened to that Vancouver babe who joins you every Christmas?”, asked one of his friend. He felt warm and comforted by his friend’s queries about her, still he just surged on.
Then, he came upon one of his many girlfriends whom he once requested to pose as his steady. He wanted so much to ignore her ….. not that he was impolite, but because at that moment, he just didn’t feel comfortable with those girlfriends anymore. It was almost like he was being judged by them. The girl saw him and shouted across the floor for him. Unable to avoid her, he went up to acknowledge her.

“Hi……how are you? Enjoying the party?” the girl asked.

“Sure…..yeah!”, he replied.
She was slightly tipsy….. must be from the whiskey on her hand. She continued,
“Why…? Don’t you need someone to pose as your girlfriend this year?” Then he answered, “No, there is no need for that anymore……”
Before he can continue, he was interrupted, “Oh yes! Must have found a girlfriend! You haven’t been searching for one for the past years, right?” The man looked up, as if he has struck gold, his face beamed and looked directly at the drunken girl. He replied, “Yes……you are right! I haven’t been looking for anyone for the past years.”
With that, the man darted across the floor and out the door, leaving the lady in much bewilderment. He finally realized that he has already found his dream girl, and she was…..the Vancouver girl all along! The drunken lady has said something that awoken him.

All along he has found his girl. That was why he did not bother to look further when he realized she was not coming back. It was not any specific girl he was seeking! It was perfection that he wanted, and yes…..perfection!!
Relationship is something both parties should work on. Realizing that he had let away someone so important in his life, he decided to call her immediately. His whole mind was flooded with fear. He was afraid that she might have found someone new or no longer had the same feelings anymore….. For once, he felt the fear of losing someone.

As it was Christmas eve, the line was quite hard to get through, especially an overseas call. He tried again and again, never giving up. Finally, he got through……precisely at 1200 midnight. He confessed his love for her and the girl was moved to tears. It seemed that she never got over him! Even after so long, she was still waiting for him, never giving up.

He was so excited to meet her and to begin his new chapter of their lives. He decided to fly to Vancouver to join her. It was the happiest time of their lives! But their happy time was short-lived. Two days before he was supposed to fly to Vancouver, he received a call from her father. She had a head-on car collision with a drunken driver. She passed away after 6 hours in a coma.
The guy was devastated, as it was a complete loss. Why did fate played such cruel games with him? He cursed the heaven for taking her away from him, denying even one last look at her! How cruel he cursed! How he damned the Gods…!! How he hated himself….for taking so long to realize his mistake!! That was in 1996.

The moral of this story is :
Treasure what you have…
Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grief;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love…
Time is Eternity.

For all you out there with someone special in your heart, cherish that person, cherish every moment that you spend together that special someone, for in life, anything can happen anytime. You may painfully regret, only to realise that it is too late.

When I thought of writing this story, I assumed it would be easy: that it would be simply be a discharge of sentiments that I’ve kept for quite a long time. Although, it had been a couple of years now, it’s still a torture to summon up an event in my life that had left me devastated. And now, for me to say firmly that it’s settled and over, I had to open the box where I’ve hidden my true self and finally step-out of it. To do that I had to vent my feelings through words.

Meeting him at my cousin’s grad party a year earlier before we were officially on, we first found ourselves disliking each other. I was annoyed by his pride. He was irritated because I was snobbish.

But when we learned more about each other, we found ourselves on the same wavelength. And then it happened, we were both ecstatic when we became a couple. Here was a charming, smart and free-spirited man who matched and even surpassed my energy, peculiarity and principles. It was tough because we had a long distance relationship on our first year. It was complicated because the relationship wasn’t known by my family. It wasn’t perfect- we had our share of differences that we fought over. But the good times far outweighed the gloomy days. On many ways, we complemented each other. From here to down under, our mutual friends conceded the unavoidable: he and I settling down. I myself was confident we eventually would.

The confidence wasn’t only drawn from the attachment we developed with our respective friends but even more with the openness we set on our relationship. Without me asking, he spilled the beans on his past high spirited behaviour. The honesty he showed was overwhelming. People can change, I say. Watching him plan a future with me when he claims he never thought about it in the past was somehow a guarantee. Sensing his efforts, I vowed to keep things together.

Three months after our second year anniversary, I noticed his silence, I felt his guilt. When I probed what was wrong, he told me there’s nothing to be concerned about. He was just stressed with school work, he said. And so I brushed it off- although at the back of my mind, my instinct was hinting a different story.

We were on the phone one day when he hesitatingly broke the blowing line: “We need to talk…” He confirmed my suspicions: he had been involved with another woman and the situation escalated because the third party was so dear to me. Dumbfounded, I couldn’t utter any sensible word. Seeing him after a week, there was already an invisible wall between us. I tried to remain diplomatic but I couldn’t hold being composed. It was devastatingly painful to realize that he had been fooling around when all the time I completely trusted him. I recollect an incident when he accused me of seeing another guy, when all the while he’d been the one cheating on me. I reminded him of our deal breaker when we were still working on our foundation: if either one of us turns unfaithful, that ends everything.

His astonished expression when I dropped my final decision to let him go remains vivid to this day. Perhaps he could not believe that the woman who used to drop everything for him would firmly mouth those words. For the first time, I saw him break down and sob like someone who was shaken by a big loss.

I do miss him, very much, in fact. I especially miss his infectious sense of humor. The physical evidence of him being a part of my life is easy to dispose but the emotional connection then was too stubborn to go away. I maybe young that time but at seventeen, I’m claiming my first broken heart. So it’s true: it’s never easy to let go of someone you love and have shared wonderful memories with. Somewhere along the way he had simply stumbled. I was the one bruised, but at least I can walk straight, guilt-free and move on without limping from a big loss.

” Since you’ve been gone… Every morning when I get out of bed, I look into the mirror hoping to find my smile. But as usual, no smile. I look and I look, but it’s nowhere to be found. I keep my eyes peeled wherever I go, but still no luck. When I try to think just where it might be… I can’t help but wonder… if maybe you know where I left my smile, ‘cause the last time I saw it, I was with you.”

” Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that’s why they’re here… you’ll have that gift forever.”

” I’ve changed so much. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you, if your life is different because of me. Because mine’s different. My God, you taught me so much, and from that I’ve grown. I guess that’s what happens.”

” I’ll remember all the laughter as we go our separate ways, but there’s so much we’re still earning and we cannot be afraid. There’s a world outside our door and nothing’s in our way, but if it’s now what we’re looking for, we’ll meet again someday.”

” They say memories last forever. I sit here, thinking about you, and all the times I had you by my side. I remember the smiles that crept on my face and the happy tears that ran down my cheeks. I see your warm, gentle eyes looking at me, and I can feel your presence when I close my eyes, but when I reach for you, I feel you slipping away… It’s like my memory is fading.”

” Ask me why I keep on loving you when it’s clear that you don’t feel the same way for me… the problem is that as much as I can’t force you to love me, I can’t force myself to stop loving you.”

” Never say goodbye when you still want to try. Never give up when you still feel you can take it. Never say you don’t love a person when you can’t let go.”

” I can’t talk to you anymore, it’s not that I am mad at you, it’s just that when I talk to you I realize how much I love you and when I realize how much I love you, I realize I can’t have you and that makes me love you even more.”

” Sometimes you think you’ve gotten over a person, but when you see him smile you suddenly realize you’re just pretending you’re over him to ease the pain of knowing that he will never be yours.”

” I’m not supposed to love you, I’m not supposed to care, I’m not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I’m not supposed to wonder where you are or what you’re doing, but I can’t help it, cause I’m in love with you.”

It’s happening all around you.  Your friends are either tying the knot, or happily involved with the men of their dreams – but you, it seems, only have a man in your dreams.  (Don’t worry, male readers … you too can glean a bit of wisdom from this article.)  When you don’t want to be single, single is the worst thing to be.  Flying solo can leave you feeling lonely and hopeless, adrift in a seemingly endless ocean of solitary unhappiness.  But wait!  That ocean is teeming with possibility; haven’t you ever heard the expression “there are lots of fish in the sea?”  Whether it’s going to take changing your bait, scouting different fishing holes, or switching from a pole to a net (or catching one with your hands grizzly bear-style, darn it!), it’s time to snag yourself a romance.

So what am I doing wrong?

That question itself may be your problem.  You may not be feeling very self-assured in your ability to attract, and keep, a mate.  Which brings us to our first topic …

Confidence

Ask almost anyone, and they’ll unanimously agree: confidence is sexy.  (Confidence, not cockiness or arrogance … there is a difference.)  If you aren’t confident, you may come across as needy, insecure and even (gasp!) desperate – a surefire recipe to attract the wrong kind of person.  And if you don’t change that about yourself, you’ll fall repeatedly into the same patterns, dating the same schmuck in a different package. 

There are many things you shouldn’t fake (we won’t go into details here, but I presume you know at least one of them) but confidence is one thing that, if you feel you’re lacking, is okay to fudge.  In fact, pretending that you’re confident can actually help you be more confident.  Think about it: if you keep your cool outwardly, nobody can know that on the inside, you’re shaking like a leaf.  Start out with baby steps … flash someone a friendly smile or a wave.  Keep your chin held high and your posture straight.  You don’t have to charge into a room yelling, “The party is here!  … Ralphieeee, good to see ya, Baby!” in order to appear self-assured. 

Changing your physical appearance can do a lot to boost your self-confidence.  We’ve all seen those miraculous makeover shows where the ugly duckling is turned into a swan and cries about how much her life has changed for the better.  But there’s only so much you can do to improve your outside.  According to Relationship Expert and Life Coach Shari Mindlen, M.B.A., “Rather than buying new clothes, getting a facial, a new haircut or a new car to change your image, do some ‘self’ work on the inside to really make some permanent and effective changes. Fixing the outside is just putting a Band-Aid on your problems. ‘Self’ work creates real solutions and real change in yourself and your behavior. ‘Self’ work means doing some things to increase your self-esteem, improve your self-confidence, give you more self-respect, and have more self-assurance. You need more of these in order to attract emotionally available and emotionally healthy partners and to have a successful, healthy relationship.”  Instead of beating themselves up and constantly asking, “What am I doing wrong?” confident people ask themselves what they need to change in order to get what they want.  And that is the perfect segue into our next topic …

Attitude

This goes hand-in-hand with confidence; together, they pack a one-two punch that can either win you the title or knock out your chances.  So stop the pity party – stop it right now!  It’s not doing you any good, is it?  Repeat after me, and make this your mantra: a negative attitude produces negative results.  A negative attitude is a habit you’ve gotten into, and it’s going to take a little bit of effort to break it.  Once you do, I guarantee that new dating doors will be opened.

In order to change your attitude, you have to give up your emotional baggage.  If you’re still bitter over a traumatic breakup or divorce, you can forget about attracting anyone into your life.  Even if you do manage to, you’ll shortly run them off with your tendency to unfairly take out your frustrations from past relationships on them.  In her article, “An Attitude of Gratitude,” author Margot Carmichael Lester says, “If you keep looking at your past from a perspective of regret and wanting - of feeling like you never got your due - you’re not taking responsibility for your own role in the outcome.  Taking the victim position on your past or otherwise disconnecting yourself from your experience of it gets you nothing but more bad results.  As they say, ‘Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.’” 

Turn that bitterness around!  Instead of harboring resentments about your old relationships, examine them to see what you’ve learned.  Then – here’s a switch – begrateful that you had the relationship, and that you got burned.  The trauma you’ve experienced has most likely taught you a valuable lesson, whatever that might be.  It’s up to you to recognize what it is.  Once you do, you can consider yourself lucky that because of that lesson, you’re not doomed to re-live it with a subsequent relationship.  Whatever it was that sabotaged your previous relationship, now you can avoid it and move ahead instead of dwelling on it – picking at an old wound, so to speak.  That’s one hurdle cleared!

Next, try as hard as you can to clear your mind of negative thoughts about dating.  Ditch the things you’ve been saying to yourself about how there’s no one out there for you, that you’ve run the dating gamut, that you’re doomed to be an old maid.  That kind of negative self-talk only serves to make you desperate, and potential mates tend to run – not walk – to steer clear of desperate people.  So replace those thoughts with, “There issomeone out there who is perfect for me!  I could very well meet that person today!”  Even if you don’t necessarily believe it, keep saying it – eventually it will start to sound more and more true to you.    

Self-Esteem

This one is an important aspect when it comes to finding a mate.  The bottom line: in a relationship, you get only what you feel you deserve.  If you don’t feel worthy of love, respect, and admiration, you won’t garner any from your partner.  It’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves; if you’re down on yourself, then why shouldn’t your mate be down on you as well?  And then you’re unhappy because you aren’t getting any respect, and so you figure it must be because you aren’t worthy of it, and your self-esteem goes down the toilet.  See the vicious cycle here?  This is why it’s crucial to be okay with yourself – so you’ll attract a man who loves you as much as you do.

To start building your self-esteem, first you must forgive yourself for being single.  You’ve probably been perceiving it for a long time as some kind of self-inflicted curse, a situation you’ve put yourself in due to your sheer undesirability.  This is absolutely, one hundred percent not true!  Being single is not something that has happened to you because you’re too (fill in the blanks: boring, unattractive, fat, pimply, etc.), nor is it a calamity – it’s a circumstance, and a temporary one at that, just like having a cold.  It may last longer than you want it to, but it’s not going to last forever; our circumstances change all the time.

Forgive yourself for what you do, but never, ever forgive yourself for being who you are.  Be proud of the person you have become over the years.  There is a lot about you to love.  If you have a hard time believing that, prove it to yourself by asking your family and friends what they love about you.  You may be surprised – and flattered – by what they have to say.  Then, compile a list of the things everyone has said, and read it often.  Work on developing those characteristics even further.  If there’s an attribute that you feel is missing from the list, see it as an opportunity to build that characteristic or trait rather than just another thing you’re lacking.

Speaking of lists, there’s another self-esteem-boosting list you can make.  Each night before you go to bed, make a list of things you’ve done right during the day.  It can be comprised of things as simple as resisting a second helping of dessert, or as major as getting a promotion at work.  In the morning, look over the previous night’s list.  That way, you’ll start every day out with positive affirmations about yourself.

You have to be happy with who you are in order to be happy with anyone else – and to be able to give someone your best.

A few common dating mistakes …

• Being an Alpha female.  If you’re successful in business, you’re probably using the same tactics to attract guys that made you a success in the workplace.  The characteristics that work for you in your career won’t necessarily work for you in a relationship.  This isn’t to say that you should pretend you don’t have those characteristics; indeed, you should be proud of them, because they make you the strong woman that you are.  But perhaps in the realm of dating and relationships, it’s time to push your other, less dominant characteristics to the forefront.
• Expecting too much, too soon.  Blame the Cinderella stories, the romance novels and the sappy movies – sometimes we think we’ve found “The One” after just a couple of dates.  Unfortunately, this rarely happens in real life, and is often due to a rush of new-relationship infatuation.  If, after a cappuccino and a movie, you’re calling your mom to say that you have a new boyfriend, you should probably re-examine your ideas about how relationships work.  It isn’t necessary to define a relationship (the sticky question of “are we or aren’t we a couple”) so quickly.  Just enjoy being together and learning new things about each other.  If the feelings are mutual, you’ll both slip easily into a committed relationship over time.  Wait until those initial feelings of euphoria have died down before deciding that you can’t live without him. 
• Being commitment-phobic.  It may be that things are progressing too quickly in the relationship, and the inertia scares you.  Or that you’re just not sure that there isn’t a better deal out there.  Whatever the reason, you have to ask yourself why you’re in a serious relationship to begin with, when you’re so obviously not ready.  Is it due to pressure put on you by family and friends?  Is it because you’re afraid of being hurt?  When you get to the root of the problem, it’s much easier to solve.
• Hitting the sack immediately.  You can call it hooking up, shacking up, or bedding down – but if you jump into the horizontal mambo too quickly, the only call you’ll be getting is a booty call.  If you’re the kind of person that’s into casual sex (and if you are, you’d better be protecting yourself!), then skip this section.  But if you’re looking for a potentially serious relationship, give it some time before you slip between the sheets with your new fling.  Sleeping with someone right away puts emphasis on the physical attraction and downplays the emotional attraction.  You’re not going to make someone love you by having sex with them; that’s just not the way things work.  Remember, great sex doesn’t make for a great relationship.
• Pursuing the unattainable.  Perhaps there’s someone you’d love to date, but who has demonstrated time and time again that he doesn’t feel the same way about you that you do about him.  Pushing your way into his life isn’t going to help you win him over – in fact, it will probably do quite the opposite (can you say “restraining order?”).  If you’ve expressed your feelings to someone, and those feelings aren’t mutual, don’t waste all your time hoping he’ll come around.  Move on in search of better prospects.  You don’t want someone whose feelings for you are merely lukewarm, anyway!
• Having vastly different life goals.  Opposites may attract, and that’s fine – if “opposite” means that you prefer chocolate while he prefers vanilla, or other such mundane things.  But it’s important that you find out your mate’s biggest goals and dreams, and measure them against yours.  Could you handle living in his dream condo in the heart of the city, when all you’ve ever wanted was a few acres and some chickens?  Does it matter if he wants to raise his kids Jewish, even if you’re a devout Catholic?  In the early stages of a relationship, we’re so in looooove (read: infatuated) that we tend to overlook important issues like this, taking the starry-eyed view that our love can overcome anything.  (Or just the “we’ll-cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it” approach.)  But you don’t want to find yourself in a committed relationship and suddenly realizing that neither of you is willing to change your goals for the other.
• Trying to find Mr. Perfect.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you shouldn’t have high standards when it comes to choosing your guy.  But set your sights too high, and you’re bound to do some serious overlooking.  Have a clear idea of what you want in a mate, but be flexible: does he really have to be six foot two, brown-haired, blue-eyed, with a job in sales, his own house, and open to having three or more cats?  If you can’t seem to find the right guy, you may be looking too hard.  Keep your standards, but try not to be overly picky: be realistic about what you want.
• Settling for less.  At the other end of the spectrum, there are those of us who settle into a less-than-ideal relationship just because it’s secure.  We have the attitude of, “Well, he’s not exactly my soul mate, but at least I’m not single.”  Don’t sell yourself short!  You’re only cheating yourself and your partner out of a great relationship by staying together “just because.”  Is it really easier than dating?  And if it is, is it worth being unhappy for?

Ways to find that special someone … or at least a good date!

Last time I checked, men didn’t come door-to-door looking for dates.  It’s a pretty safe bet that a relationship isn’t just going to fall into your lap, so it’s time to be proactive and do a little searching of your own!     

• Advertise.  Think about it: what better way to find a person that fits your idea of a perfect match?  By placing a personal ad, either in a newspaper personals column or online, you can outline exactly what you’re looking for – and get responses from people who actually fit that description.  It’s exciting (and empowering!) to get responses and know that there are people wanting to get to know you better, and hoping you’ll choose them.
• Try online dating.  The ‘Net is full of online dating sites, all competing with one another to get their clients the best results possible.  So they’re going to do whatever they can to match you up with someone you’re super-compatible with.  You can create a profile for yourself, getting really specific, and find someone who shares your goals, values, and preferences.  Most sites charge a nominal fee, but it’s a small price to pay if you’re really aching for a relationship.
• Look outside your normal scope.  So maybe he isn’t the type you usually go for, but don’t overlook the guy you just met because he isn’t rich … or blond … or older than you.  Even if you don’t initially find a guy particularly attractive, you shouldn’t discount him right away; often once we get to know someone’s personality, they will start to become more attractive to us.  If you tend to have a “type,” you should think about giving other types a chance.  Try something new for a change!
• Volunteer.  There’s something about volunteering that makes you feel so good – and you’d feel even better about it if you found a great guy in the process.  Offer up your services at charity events, church, homeless shelters … anywhere that a helping hand is greatly appreciated.  You might just be paired up with a fellow do-gooder who happens to be cute and available.  You may not get paid for volunteering, but you might just get a payoff by finding an altruistic guy.  Score!
• Take lessons.  Enroll in some sort of class – ballroom dancing, cooking, photography, any kind of coed course.  It’s a win-win situation; you’ll be doing something that interests you, getting good at it, gaining marketable skills, and might even meet a special someone in the process.  And if you do meet someone in one of these classes, you’ll already have a common bond – makes for great dinner conversation, if nothing else!
• Join a gym or health club.  It’s the same principle as taking lessons: you’re doing something good for yourself (and as an added perk, you’ll look and feel wonderful, too) and at the same time, giving yourself the chance to meet new people.

In the meantime …

Until you find your exciting new romance, it’s important that you don’t feel your life is lacking.  Pick out the good parts about being single, and learn to enjoy those, rather than whimpering about how much being single sucks.  If there were nothing fun about being single, married people wouldn’t long for those carefree days – but many of them do.  Some even try to recapture their own single days; why do you think adultery (and consequently, divorce) is so commonplace?  Enjoy your right to choose.  Enjoy your ability to be selfish, to do what you please without having to take anyone else’s needs into account.  Fill your life with activities that might not be possible if you were spending all your time with a significant other.  If you’re happy with your life, and yourself, then you’re one step closer to being happy with someone else.